


Voices in His Head

by antpelts



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Canon Compliant, Developing Relationship, Feelings Realization, M/M, its basically a song fic, michael is in christines place, rich is in jeremys place
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-04
Updated: 2020-04-04
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:40:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23472625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/antpelts/pseuds/antpelts
Summary: 'Voices in my Head' as told with Rich and Michael.
Relationships: Rich Goranski/Michael Mell
Comments: 8
Kudos: 40





	Voices in His Head

“Really, Michael?” Jeremy’s voice went a bit shrill and he winced at the pitch. After his shoulders relaxed and he saw the look on Rich’s face he let out an awkward huff, sitting up a bit. “N-Not that it’s bad! Michael’s great, uh, really great. A better friend than I deserve.”

“He probably hateth me.” Rich turned his head, as it was he didn’t have the most mobility. “There’th no way he’d ever think of me like that.”

“H-Hey man, I mean. He knows about the squips, he saw me.. change. I think you’d have a shot.” Jeremy relaxed back against his bed with a low sigh. “Just.. b-be nice?”

“Harder than it thounds, Heere.” Was it, really? Maybe. Not too hard, more like unfamiliar. It had been so long since he was in control of his own body. “But, yeah. Yeah.”

“Well,” Jeremy’s head tipped back and he closed his eyes. “You g-gotta like.. listen to him. Well, obviously, but.. he likes to talk and if you really listen he’ll notice. P-Pay attention to what he likes. Ask him questions.”

“You make it thound tho eathy.” Rich winced at the repeated lisp, groaning at the ache through his body. “But.. I think I could do that.”

“Micah’s the chillest guy I know.. I-I guess I don’t know that many people but he is. You w-were kinda an asshole but, man, I don’t know. You could have been worse and comparatively you d-didn’t bother him much. And, again, he knows w-what the squips are capable of.”

“Yeah.. yeah.”

* * *

Every time Michael visited there was that nagging voice, chastising him for how he let his gaze linger. The voice that reprimanded him for striking up a conversation, for asking questions, eyes lighting up with engagement. Part of him hoped the voice would fade as the squip did but.. he couldn’t say he was surprised. It stuck but at least it had no power this time.

Finally, he had control. He had the control to come out, to let himself look at another guy without heavy guilt. He could make up his own mind - he was fairly certain he liked Michael.

* * *

When Rich got back to school he wasn’t ready for the reception. The common rabble weren’t too kind but.. his friends were there. His friends were there and they still wanted to talk to him. It was the first time he’d seen them in.. weeks but he tried not to let it bother him. With the absence of Michael and Jeremy and the presence of Jake he felt obliged to start spilling thoughts. 

If these people were willing to forgive him, willing to trust him again with that stupid computer gone.. then he could be real with them. He ignored the pang in his head, that ping. A shudder ran down his spine, this time, though, it didn’t sting - no electricity. He had control of who Rich Goranski was now, Rich was comfortable, Rich was open, Rich was genuine with his friends. Voices flew back and forth across the lunch table, alight with laughter.

“Hey, _guys_ hey,” there was a harsh emphasis as he kept his lisp at bay. He wasn’t as dedicated in keeping it at bay but he _did_ still struggle with it. So he grit his teeth and pushed out any ‘s’ sound carefully if he was thinking about it. “I’m totally into Michael and don’t have a fucking clue what to do.”

“Listen what he has to say, duh.” Jenna’s face lit up with a crooked smile.

“Don’t ditch him at a party.” He swore Chloe rolled her eyes a bit - bringing up Halloween without bringing it up enough to put everyone on edge.

“Just keep showing off the real Rich.” Brooke gave a soft smile. No more compensating, no more pushing himself.

“We need to sit down and I’ll tell you all about how to put the moves on him,” Jake leaned in, elbowing his side lightly.

“You’ve been talking to him for a few weeks, haven’t you?” Rich nodded, meeting Chloe’s gaze - he tried to hide how his face lit up. Michael _had_ continued visiting, even after Jeremy got out.

“Just ask him out, if he’s willing to keep spending that time with you there’s nothing to worry about.” Jenna waved her fork around before poking at the peaches on her tray.

“We’ll be here, no matter what happens.” Brooke’s features were soft and she placed a hand on his shoulder. “It’ll be perfect though, you’ll see!”

* * *

The voices kept going, Rich just turned up his music. It was a thursday night and he was tucked into bed, the music killed two birds with one stone, blocking out whatever argument his brother was having with his dad. It wasn’t perfect.. but music helped. Thinking about Michael helped. They had started texting - often talking at odd hours of the night when no one else was awake. Their conversations ranged from games to food to weirdly deep talks about sexuality and self image.

Through those conversations Rich came to realize the voices would probably always be there, everyone had them. Michael had them. In a sad way, it was normal. This time, though, he _could_ tune them out and force them down. These voices couldn’t punish him. 

Another late night conversation solidified the thought in Rich’s head, he was going to tell Michael.

He made up his mind.

* * *

Right on cue Rich bumped into Michael after the last bell - he’d been driving him home for nearly two weeks now, he knew exactly where to find him. Before they could finish passing through the commons and out the front doors of the school he grabbed Michael’s arm to hold him in place. He figured it was as good a time as any, most people were filing out, paying them no mind. (And he could see his friends over Michael’s shoulder, far enough away to not be suspicious, Jeremy gave him a thumbs up.)

“Michael, I uh.. wanted to-”

“Jeremy told me how it felt,” the words seemed to stumble out of Michael’s mouth as he cut him off, he must have been expecting another apology.

“What?”

“What.. it would do to you. How it, like, took over, made you feel like shit. How it shocked you.”

“Oh, yeah, uh,” Rich rubbed at his arm, giving a half shrug. “Got the _scars_ for that one.”

“I.. uh, I understand why you did it. I think I’ve basically come to terms and, I, uh. I forgive you for it Rich, I really do.”

“It’th.. _so stupid._ I _just_ wanted _things_ to be perfect, _easy_ and perfect.” He dropped his gaze - this conversation had taken quite the turn and he was too nervous to meet Michael’s eyes.

“Well, yeah. Dude, who wants anything to be hard?” Michael reached out, fingers brushing over Rich’s shoulder. It was like.. a good electricity, it gave him the power to raise his head, steeling himself as their eyes met.

“Look, Michael, I put everyone in danger at the party.. I took your _best_ friend away from you.. I _almost destroyed_ the _school_ and.. and maybe all of humanity,” he took a shuddering breath, balling his hands into fists. “I know the _last_ fucking thing I _derserve is_ any _sort_ of a _shot,_ I-”

“Hey,” he cut him off with that crooked grin that made Rich’s knees weak. “Just tell me, tell me what the _real_ Rich Goranski’s got on his mind.”

“A night at the roller rink, for glow _skating?_ _Just_ the two of _us.._ ?” He cringed a bit, ready for Michael to _laugh_ at him. If not for an idiot like him asking him out then for the stupid suggestion.

“And any voices in our heads.” Michael tipped his head to the side a bit, expression softening. He knew Rich had to have put up with some amount of residual mental torment, not only to accept his sexuality, but to ask a guy out - in the middle of the commons.

“Yeah.. _still_ got _voices_ in my head.” His voice was barely above a whisper as he allowed himself to lean into the touch on his shoulder. “But, I.. I _swear_ they’re _just_ going to be the regular kind.. no.. No more super tic _tacs,_ no more _computers.._ no..”

“I.. I think me and the voices in my head have made up our collective mind.” With that he gave a light tap to his temple.

“W-What.. what do they _say_ we _should_ do?” His voice shook with nerves, though he felt his fingers relax as he relaxed his fists.

“I think that.. all of us want to go out with you.” Michael’s voice dropped low and he pulled his hand back, pushing both into the pockets of his jeans, gaze flitting away as he tried to bite back his grin.

He stumbled backwards as Rich jumped to toss his arms around Michael’s neck, all but hanging off of him as he let out a cheer. Michael swore he heard Jeremy shout from down the hall.

* * *

There were nights where it still hurt, nights where his back ached with phantom pains. Those were the nights he’d sprawl out on Michael’s bed, savoring the feeling of fingertips brushing over his bare shoulders. The tinny voice of the squip was always going to be engraved in him, he’d come to accept that. But now there was another voice - well, two. There was his own and there was _Michael’s._

At the end of the day he only had to listen to his own voice, with practice it would continue to get louder. Maybe until it was the only one. For now he just let himself _breathe_ and feel Michael’s warmth, rolling onto his back so that he could lean up, pressing a lazy kiss to his lips.

Everything would be fine.

**Author's Note:**

> kudos and comments are appreciated


End file.
